Allowing those tantrums
I really admire those parents who allow their children to have a tantrum in public. I always have to assure myself that the parent knows what they are doing and are in control of the situation. Often I hear parents say that it is too hard to let their child have a tantrum in public because of all the looks they get from other adults around. A tricky parenting dilemma; “do I let them perform, or do I let them get away with it just for some sanity?”
Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and holding the breath. They seem to be equally common in both boys and girls.
Children’s temperaments vary dramatically — so some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas others have them rarely. They're a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative.
Several basic causes of tantrums are familiar to parents everywhere: the child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of frustration with the world — they can't get something (for example, an object or a parent) to do what they want. Frustration is an unavoidable part of their lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.
Tantrums are common during the second year of life, a time when children are acquiring language. Toddlers generally understand more than they can express. Imagine not being able to communicate your needs to someone — a frustrating experience that may precipitate a tantrum. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.
The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them in the first place, whenever possible. A few simple things to do to help avoid them; make sure your child isn’t acting up simply because her or she isn’t getting enough attention, try to give toddlers some control over things such as choices, keep things you don’t want them to touch out of reach, use distraction, set the stage for success when children are trying to master a new task, consider requests carefully when your child wants something, and know your child’s limits.
The most important thing to keep in mind when you're faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial; keep cool. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration. Children can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. Take deep breaths and try to think clearly. Your child relies on you to be the example.
Try to understand what's going on. Tantrums should be handled differently depending on the cause. Try to understand where your child is coming from. For example, if your little one has just had a great disappointment, you may need to provide comfort.
It's a different situation when the tantrum follows a child being refused something. Toddlers have fairly simple reasoning skills, so you aren't likely to get far with explanations. Ignoring the outburst is one way to handle it — if the tantrum poses no threat to your child or others. Continue your activities, paying no attention to your child, but remaining within sight. Don't leave your child alone, though.
Children who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to tantrums in public places. Make sure they are safe, if necessary, carry them out to the car and just wait outside, watching them; when they calm down give them a cuddle, but don’t give in to their demands.
Preschoolers and older children are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behaviour works. Don’t reward your child's tantrum by giving in. This will only prove to your little one that the tantrum was effective. Instead, verbally praise a child for regaining control.
Tantrums are always hard to cope with, but remember to stay calm and it will soon pass. Good luck and remember that if your child decides to throw a 'hissy' in the supermarket, take control and do what you feel comfortable doing, and don’t
worry about what others are thinking.
Copyright © Nelson District Kindergarten Association 2014 – not to be disseminated to organisations outside the Associations Kindergartens, Centres, and Management Contracts, unless by signed contract.
Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and holding the breath. They seem to be equally common in both boys and girls.
Children’s temperaments vary dramatically — so some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas others have them rarely. They're a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative.
Several basic causes of tantrums are familiar to parents everywhere: the child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of frustration with the world — they can't get something (for example, an object or a parent) to do what they want. Frustration is an unavoidable part of their lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.
Tantrums are common during the second year of life, a time when children are acquiring language. Toddlers generally understand more than they can express. Imagine not being able to communicate your needs to someone — a frustrating experience that may precipitate a tantrum. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.
The best way to deal with temper tantrums is to avoid them in the first place, whenever possible. A few simple things to do to help avoid them; make sure your child isn’t acting up simply because her or she isn’t getting enough attention, try to give toddlers some control over things such as choices, keep things you don’t want them to touch out of reach, use distraction, set the stage for success when children are trying to master a new task, consider requests carefully when your child wants something, and know your child’s limits.
The most important thing to keep in mind when you're faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial; keep cool. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration. Children can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. Take deep breaths and try to think clearly. Your child relies on you to be the example.
Try to understand what's going on. Tantrums should be handled differently depending on the cause. Try to understand where your child is coming from. For example, if your little one has just had a great disappointment, you may need to provide comfort.
It's a different situation when the tantrum follows a child being refused something. Toddlers have fairly simple reasoning skills, so you aren't likely to get far with explanations. Ignoring the outburst is one way to handle it — if the tantrum poses no threat to your child or others. Continue your activities, paying no attention to your child, but remaining within sight. Don't leave your child alone, though.
Children who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to tantrums in public places. Make sure they are safe, if necessary, carry them out to the car and just wait outside, watching them; when they calm down give them a cuddle, but don’t give in to their demands.
Preschoolers and older children are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behaviour works. Don’t reward your child's tantrum by giving in. This will only prove to your little one that the tantrum was effective. Instead, verbally praise a child for regaining control.
Tantrums are always hard to cope with, but remember to stay calm and it will soon pass. Good luck and remember that if your child decides to throw a 'hissy' in the supermarket, take control and do what you feel comfortable doing, and don’t
worry about what others are thinking.
Copyright © Nelson District Kindergarten Association 2014 – not to be disseminated to organisations outside the Associations Kindergartens, Centres, and Management Contracts, unless by signed contract.